Friday, September 26, 2003
Heather: All of the guilt, none of the beauty.
I'm writing on behalf of a friend--really. For those men with weak stomachs, it comes down to this question: Can you recommend a marriage manual for overcoming that old mentality of "Men enjoy it, women endure it?"
Here's the guilt part: I was talking in the parking lot with a fellow member of our parish Moms' Club. We both have daughters and she was ruminating on how-to's insofar as menarche. It's a few years off for both of us, since her daughter just started kindergarten and Maddie's only two, but there was an aspect of it that she'd never dealt with and she wanted to be able to instruct her daughter.
I guessed given her discomfort and ignorance on the subject that she was relatively unacquainted with her own anatomy, and that her husband is the only man she's been with. [Not that the second fact is a bad thing; frankly, I kind of envy her that.] She admitted her mom had raised her with the idea that sex is something that a woman does to please her husband, and while a man enjoys it a woman more or less succumbs to it. Tolerates it. Endures it.
I find this mentality at best antiquated, at worst destructive. Regardless, it's contrary to what the Church teaches too, but we don't need to go there just yet.
I didn't have the words to express my sympathy. She and they have been to a counselor and it's gotten better, but I've never met someone like this--that I know of, mind you--and I want to help.
Here's the beauty part: At this meeting, we were discussing the difficulty in finding balance between kids, chores, jobs (if applicable), outside demands, parents, and still finding time for our spouse. This same friend suggested asking for Mary's intercession, given she was a mother. Knowing all of us have at least two children, I pointed out lightheartedly, "Yeah, but Mary only had one kid to worry about."
She replied, "You don't know that."
In the word of Bill the Cat: "Ack!"
Her father is an ordained deacon. Her mother went through the classes with her dad, but of course didn't get ordained. But her mother questioned Mary's perpetual virginity. Ouch.
I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, especially to their only living child and within a year of their passing. This one person passed on the old (incorrect) idea that sex for the wife is to be endured but not enjoyed (guilt) and the challenge of the Perpetual Virginity (beauty). You better believe I'm going to pray for them all.
I'm writing on behalf of a friend--really. For those men with weak stomachs, it comes down to this question: Can you recommend a marriage manual for overcoming that old mentality of "Men enjoy it, women endure it?"
Here's the guilt part: I was talking in the parking lot with a fellow member of our parish Moms' Club. We both have daughters and she was ruminating on how-to's insofar as menarche. It's a few years off for both of us, since her daughter just started kindergarten and Maddie's only two, but there was an aspect of it that she'd never dealt with and she wanted to be able to instruct her daughter.
I guessed given her discomfort and ignorance on the subject that she was relatively unacquainted with her own anatomy, and that her husband is the only man she's been with. [Not that the second fact is a bad thing; frankly, I kind of envy her that.] She admitted her mom had raised her with the idea that sex is something that a woman does to please her husband, and while a man enjoys it a woman more or less succumbs to it. Tolerates it. Endures it.
I find this mentality at best antiquated, at worst destructive. Regardless, it's contrary to what the Church teaches too, but we don't need to go there just yet.
I didn't have the words to express my sympathy. She and they have been to a counselor and it's gotten better, but I've never met someone like this--that I know of, mind you--and I want to help.
Here's the beauty part: At this meeting, we were discussing the difficulty in finding balance between kids, chores, jobs (if applicable), outside demands, parents, and still finding time for our spouse. This same friend suggested asking for Mary's intercession, given she was a mother. Knowing all of us have at least two children, I pointed out lightheartedly, "Yeah, but Mary only had one kid to worry about."
She replied, "You don't know that."
In the word of Bill the Cat: "Ack!"
Her father is an ordained deacon. Her mother went through the classes with her dad, but of course didn't get ordained. But her mother questioned Mary's perpetual virginity. Ouch.
I know you're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, especially to their only living child and within a year of their passing. This one person passed on the old (incorrect) idea that sex for the wife is to be endured but not enjoyed (guilt) and the challenge of the Perpetual Virginity (beauty). You better believe I'm going to pray for them all.
