Saturday, July 13, 2002
Dale: We were driving up Gratiot today, trying to get to a store to buy paint. We've decided to commit to the chore of repainting our kitchen and the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Because the Michigan Department of Transportation (or MDOT--Motto: "Complicating Your Commute For a Half-Century") has embarked on a major interstate reconstruction every year since 1997, our trip to the store took rather longer than it should. You see, this year's victim is I-94. Consequently, all eastbound traffic has been shunted on to Gratiot Avenue. Guess who had to go eastbound to get to Sherwin Williams?
Anyway, the lengthier than usual commute reminded us of the fact there's a car dealership approximately every 150 yards on this particular stretch of Gratiot. It also allowed us to notice an increasingly common advertizing phenomenon: The Car Dealer Who's Trying Waaay Too Hard. Heather started saying "Cool! Look! Sharp!" My engaged response was "Huh?" She pointed and said: "Car dealership." Sure enough, it was. And scrawled in eye assaulting pastels on every vehicle in the lot was some goofy exclamation point tagline like:
"Drive in style!"
"Drive-n-tan!"
"Cool!"
"Great price!"
"Pop the Top!" and even
"Crazy!" [No. Really.]
We're car shopping, and we avoid these places like they were chalk outlines. Especially since the product (minivans, economy cars and cookie cutter sedans) hardly merits all the day-glo hype. It would be more appropriate if the dealer touted:
"Sensible!"
"Dad'll Like it!"
"Lemon!"
"Point A to Point B!"
"Good Crash Test Rating!"
"Short, Exception-Laden Warranty!"
"Bland!"
"Slow!"
"Go Easy On It!"
"Think of the Premiums!"
and, for the sports cars:
"Won't Solve Midlife Crisis!"
"Viking Funeral!"
We'd probably stop at a place like that.
Anyway, the lengthier than usual commute reminded us of the fact there's a car dealership approximately every 150 yards on this particular stretch of Gratiot. It also allowed us to notice an increasingly common advertizing phenomenon: The Car Dealer Who's Trying Waaay Too Hard. Heather started saying "Cool! Look! Sharp!" My engaged response was "Huh?" She pointed and said: "Car dealership." Sure enough, it was. And scrawled in eye assaulting pastels on every vehicle in the lot was some goofy exclamation point tagline like:
"Drive in style!"
"Drive-n-tan!"
"Cool!"
"Great price!"
"Pop the Top!" and even
"Crazy!" [No. Really.]
We're car shopping, and we avoid these places like they were chalk outlines. Especially since the product (minivans, economy cars and cookie cutter sedans) hardly merits all the day-glo hype. It would be more appropriate if the dealer touted:
"Sensible!"
"Dad'll Like it!"
"Lemon!"
"Point A to Point B!"
"Good Crash Test Rating!"
"Short, Exception-Laden Warranty!"
"Bland!"
"Slow!"
"Go Easy On It!"
"Think of the Premiums!"
and, for the sports cars:
"Won't Solve Midlife Crisis!"
"Viking Funeral!"
We'd probably stop at a place like that.
