Monday, July 15, 2002
Heather: I'm feeling very at peace right now, which means Madeleine is going to wake up loudly any minute now. I got to spend the day with her. She fell asleep in the stroller during our after-dinner walk. She's done that a couple times before; once we actually got her to stay asleep (holding and rocking). The other she woke up as we were bringing her inside and I foolishly took her right to her bath. I almost went nuts trying to get her down that night; Dale came in and relieved me after 45 minutes.
But I just tried to get her to stay asleep for about half an hour; the effort failed. Then I let her stay up for 45 minutes and didn't get her into the tub until 9:30. But she did fall asleep in my arms pretty easily. She looks so beautiful and angelic asleep, more so even than when awake. It's so tough to lay her in her crib some nights; I know they are numbered though only God knows the number. I don't want to waste a moment.
I admit we bring her to bed with us when she wakes in the middle of the night. We said when I was pregnant we wouldn't, but at 1:30 it means I can just pop a breast in her mouth and we both fall back asleep much faster than getting up and going to her room and staying there until she's done. I used to be vaguely ashamed of it, like we'd caved in or something. But how many moments will there be to cuddle her in her sleep? How many mornings will I wake to see her big blue eyes looking up at me foggily, then blinking and smiling? How many times will I wake to have her arm flopped over my chest and her leg flopped over mine, that magical baby smell right there in her hair when I turn my head?
I weep when I think of those coming to an end. I know they will, too soon, to make room for the imminent one coming this spring. Sure, sometimes those little toenails sure feel sharp. Sure, she squirms and kicks me. I feel those are a small price to pay for the joy I have in the morning, waking to the two people I love most in the world nearby.
Speaking of the imminent one: We did not find out that Madeleine was a girl when I was pregnant because I didn't want to. Dale gets to decide this time whether we find out. I also feel I had the lion's share of naming her, so am abdicating that (though I'm retaining veto power). Suggestions and input?
But I just tried to get her to stay asleep for about half an hour; the effort failed. Then I let her stay up for 45 minutes and didn't get her into the tub until 9:30. But she did fall asleep in my arms pretty easily. She looks so beautiful and angelic asleep, more so even than when awake. It's so tough to lay her in her crib some nights; I know they are numbered though only God knows the number. I don't want to waste a moment.
I admit we bring her to bed with us when she wakes in the middle of the night. We said when I was pregnant we wouldn't, but at 1:30 it means I can just pop a breast in her mouth and we both fall back asleep much faster than getting up and going to her room and staying there until she's done. I used to be vaguely ashamed of it, like we'd caved in or something. But how many moments will there be to cuddle her in her sleep? How many mornings will I wake to see her big blue eyes looking up at me foggily, then blinking and smiling? How many times will I wake to have her arm flopped over my chest and her leg flopped over mine, that magical baby smell right there in her hair when I turn my head?
I weep when I think of those coming to an end. I know they will, too soon, to make room for the imminent one coming this spring. Sure, sometimes those little toenails sure feel sharp. Sure, she squirms and kicks me. I feel those are a small price to pay for the joy I have in the morning, waking to the two people I love most in the world nearby.
Speaking of the imminent one: We did not find out that Madeleine was a girl when I was pregnant because I didn't want to. Dale gets to decide this time whether we find out. I also feel I had the lion's share of naming her, so am abdicating that (though I'm retaining veto power). Suggestions and input?
